Day 22: A good day.

OK cool. So now that the 5-7 thing works out, I can sort of get a more consistent routine going. I can work for most of the day, and jump out of the office at 5pm. A bit early for my industry, but I’m willing to take the hit in the name of science.

I went out today, feeling OK. I decided to walk a different route – I typically walk the same route through the city and am kind of sick of it. Thankfully, I discovered a gold mine on this new route – and it’s closer to my office!

I was walking down the street and this lady sauntered past. I realized I had no excuse not to stop her, so I ran back and started talking to her.  She seemed like she was in a rush and said it (and didn’t speak English great – is from Paris, which I think is awesome). I kept talking to her and she started warming up. Just being smiley, joking, nice turned her around (Go figure). I feel like you have a short window to present this.

We made plans to go out, exchanged info and split. I had some other promising approaches – there were many more girls in this part / time of town, and the first approach got me totally into the mood. I had a few flees, but generally, things went well. Right after fizzling out with another girl, I saw one standing nearby. I went over and things went real well – this is probably the solidest number I’ve gotten in a while (thou that’s not saying much).

  • 7 approaches
  • 2 numbers
  • 1 new awesome area to talk to girls at
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Day 21: one sec gotta read

OK, so going out again 5-7, had a good productive day.

A few boyfriends, a few flees… On the way back, the sun was setting. I was walking through a typically crowded park. And I saw a blonde lady reading a book on a bench. I wanted to get back, but after walking past, forced myself to go up to her. After sitting down next to her, which she said was cool, she literally asked me to wait a minute because she was on the last paragraph of her book (I could actually see the page).

We chatted a bit. She was very mellow, very likable. I didn’t really do a great job of keeping the conversation going… Something that’s been pretty tough for me – it’ll start off going well – girl will smile and be engaged. But I’ll just sort of lead the conversation into an uninteresting area, I guess. This is definitely something I think I’ve been getting better at and will continue with over time.

So I asked her if she wanted to go out, which she said sure – only after laughing and mentioning that I’m the second guy to approach her while she was sitting there (must be annoying to be a pretty girl in NYC).

Though, honestly, it doesn’t really seem like a strong number….

  • 5 approaches
  • 1 to follow up on
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Day 20: Quantity not quality

So last post I talked a bit about no wonder it’s hard to find girls. It’s because I’m going out in the middle of the day – it’s dandy that I sacrifice work to do that, but something tells me young, spry females aren’t cutting out of the ad agency to get stopped by dudes. No one is around.

So, on this day, I decided to go out 5-7 (some people in NYC get out of work at 5, right? right?). Unfortunately, in NYC, the sun sets a little after 7; and as I learned early on, doing this at night is not the best idea.

I couldn’t get out of work quite as early, so my time was even more reduce. But, I really like this 5-7 thing; in previous days, I’ve dreaded having to keep going for potentially an indefinite amount of time (3-4+ hours sometimes) especially when I have work and other responsibilities. Maybe just heading out 5-7 daily is the way to get myself to be more consistent (though this whole Ned Stark thing may bite me in the ass – the sun will start setting sooner.)

Standard pattern that has emerged: it usually takes about ~30 minutes of walking around for me to adjust and make my first approach. It could be I’m wimping out, but it seems like I just don’t find girls I like until then… Maybe I’m too picky when I first start walking?

Today I only did 3 approaches. Normally, I wouldn’t count it. But these were very solid approaches. Each one was an extended conversation with very lovely girls. Two resulted in information exchange (though one had a boyfriend, we decided to stay in touch via Facebook). I actually do feel like I am making progress – today I just felt more normal and relaxed.

One thing that has seemed very important to me is that my mood tends to dictate how well the approaches go. Today, I was feeling very good – I woke up early, went for a run, had a solid day of work, and just felt good. I wonder if there’s some kind of way to always put me in this mood. I should look into that since it correlates with success so strongly.

One observation I have is that conversations seem to start well. And after talking for a few minutes, today, the girls started looking away and realizing that they should go… Something is dropping off. It’s good that I’m starting well, but I wonder how to keep it going.

  • 3 approaches
  • 2 to follow up on (and 1 BF)
  • Go out 5-7pm. More people, you won’t be dissuaded by an infinite amount of time, and you can do it very frequently.
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Day 19: Some positivity

I stopped my first asian. I’m really not into asians. Nothing against them, just not my thang. We exchanged numbers, but really, it seemed pretty weak. She did stop and talk but we really didn’t hit it off that much.

I walked around for almost 2 hours without seeing much. There were a few gals at one point, but I psyched myself out. Really though, this is some ridiculously slim pickins. Maybe it’s because I’m doing this isn the middle of the work day and most folks are working (and college is still out). Hmm, maybe I should go out late afternoon only? That seems to make more sense.

I was about to call it a day with a SINGLE approach when I saw a gorgeous girl sitting on a bench. Normally, I try to only stop girls when walking (don’t ask me why. I think it’s because I’ve fixated on a challenge and am trying to win it). I went up to her, and she loved it. This really hot/sweet German girl (I could be wrong, but it seems like foreign girls have a tendency to be far less stuck up than Americans… Maybe it’s only because they’re traveling or something). We had an awesome 20 minute chat. I had to go, and she was leaving town the next day for the summer. We became Facebook friends.

After that, I was about to head back to work, when I realized I felt something I hadn’t felt in a long time – I was warmed up doing a Hypothesis day. So, I stopped another girl near my office. Real cute. We exchanged numbers.

I then forced myself to keep going, and did exchanged with ANOTHER. Wow, 4/4 for the day.

I finished the day with a couple of mirky approaches (one just wasn’t interested, I’d say a “happy” flee. The other was just being rude so I left without even giving her a chance).

While I did have 4 to follow-ups. 1 will be out of the country / Facebook and another just wasn’t solid. The other two were more solid, but am not sure how into them I am. We’ll have to see.

I had a MUCH better non-flee rate. I did a few things that I think helped a lot there:

  • I SMILED. Big smile helps.
  • Made much stronger eye contact
  • I noticed it’s hard to smile at first, so I’ll say something like “Hey. Can I just say something?” And they’ll relax a bit and go “yeah”. And then I’ll smile. For some reason this seems to help a lot. (thanks to a reader for the suggestion)
  • I started talking to girls who were standing around and seated – not just walking. These seemed to be easier.
  • Generally, I’d only talk to super hot girls. Today, I spoke to girls who were attractive but maybe not the same jaw-droppers. I always try to talk to the most beautiful girls around, but this should def go on the record.

Summary:

  • Consider going out when folks are out of work
  • Approach seated and standing girls too, no duh.
  • Say “hey. Can I say something real quick”. To let them & you adjust to interaction (and you can smile / make strong eye contact).
  • Today was terrible for 2 hours until I had a great approach with that cute German. That got me warmed up. Find ways to get warmed up. Maybe it’s just doing a bunch of throw-away chats.
  • Try to focus on listening super intently to what they are saying and using that as a way to drive the conversation. Sometimes, I think I focus too much on what I want to talk about.

Stats:

  • 6 approaches
  • 4 to follow up on
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Day 18: cold streak continues

My cold streak continues. Earlier in this experiment, I simply had more time, and powered through these (remember back on Day 4 or so when I had like 15 hard rejections in a row before getting back on track?).

It does feel like something is attributable to more than just a code streak. My approaches seem off. I’m getting a lot of flees. And it’s also pretty hard to find girls – sometimes I do wimp out… other times, it’s just hard to find hot girls in the middle of the day when normies are working. Shit’s hard bro. Wanna give me a dollar or something?

I did have an awesome 15 minute chat with a girl. It’s amazing she just instantly opened and started talking. We started talking about some piece of jewelry she had which was indicative of a whole part of her personality. Why are some so open to talk and others not? I think sometimes it’s because I do something right, other times it’s simply the lady. She has a longtime bf, but exchanged info to be friends. Beats me where this will go.

One thing I did to “warm up” was help tourists find their way and joke with them. I should do more stuff like this to bring me into a more social mood.

I was out for a solid two hours but only did four approaches. I’m still counting this since it was a solid effort and was force ended by rain.

  • 4 approaches
  • 1 “friend” number
  • still going through this cold streak
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Day 17: Gearing back up

Day 17 was also nothing special. No conversations lasted more than a few minutes. One funny approach happened when I started talking to this young, gorgeous black haired/black eyed (must have been a latina) lady who was in a huge rush (honestly, I swear if there’s nothing I’ve gotten out of this, it’s that there’s a huge correlation between female attractiveness and being in a rush in NYC). We walked and talked a bit

Don’t mean to sound down. I, for one reason or another, have had far too much time off, and am now clearly rusty. This really throws back into my face a pertinent issue: this whole thing really is a skill. I felt I was much better, more confident, had better approaches when I was (a) happier/more optimistic about the whole thing and (b) had more local experience (that is, within the past few days / weeks had approached a lot more). Now, I’m back to a somewhat uncomfortable period of approaching and logically knowing I’ve done way more than this, but in reality, feeling a whole lot of inner-resistance and cobwebs. I know I just need to power through this awkward period.

Well, I’m happy I’ve committed to those 30 days because this clearly takes a lot of time. Though in the back of my mind, I wonder if what’ll really make this work is insane persistence met with ridiculous failure rates/embarrassment for a fairly long period if time (perhaps far longer than 30 days)…….

It actually reminds me of another time in my life that has nothing to do with girls.

Entering high school, academically I was nothing special. Neither was my school system. For some reason still unknown to me, I wanted badly to go to a particular prestigious college. Yet, I knew that the level of accomplishment needed was far, far beyond what I was capable of doing as a freshman. In particular, I needed to get much, much better at math.

While I did earn an A in freshman geometry and was one of the “best” students in my algebra II class, I knew this was far below where I needed to be (again, my high school was terrible and despite having an A in geometry, I didn’t even really know algebra). The summer after freshman year, I started doing the problems in a study guide. Man, I was horrible. For months and months and months, I kept pouring more and more time into math practice and getting problems wrong. There really was no strong indication that I was improving. But, for some reason, I thankfully continued doing these problems.

Sophomore year rolled around and I was still lousy at math. But, I convinced my Algebra II teacher to let me teach myself from a different book instead of participating in her class. Month after month went by. I spent extended time on the weekend reading chapters, and doing tons of practice problems at the end of each section. Eventually, I started to get better. Much better. At some point, something clicked. I then flew through 3 years of high school math in 3/4 of a school year.  I took the Math SAT Achievement test that most folks take as a junior or senior and scored nearly perfectly (</brag>). This was the first time I had ever done well on a standardized test. The rest is history.

Since then, I’ve developed a belief that I can overcome and learn things in life the same way I learned math. And while I haven’t really applied this belief since the glory days of high school, I believe that with raw persistence and discipline, I can power through and learn anything. The question for me now, is what do I spend my time doing. What is that noble pursuit.

  • 7 approaches
  • 0 to follow up on
  • still shaking the cobwebs off my sabatical
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Day 16: Crappy rainy day.

This day sucked. It was full of apathy and then got rained out.

Nothing really to report on, other than I probably didn’t hit my activation energy again. Meh, at least I went out.

 

  • 5 approaches
  • 0 to follow up on
  • poop.
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