Day 4 – Powering through that cold-streak

On the subway to denser areas, this middle-aged Italian woman (very happy/friendly) personality just started talking to me. And she persisted. Cool, I’ll take the warm up opportunity. She was super cool and we continued chatting on the subway. If only she were 15 years younger!

Got up earlier, and did my first approach at 11 AM. Note – getting up early is AWESOME. It just feels great (even though it’s hard as hell to wake up), and I think there’s less possibility for mental excuses (e.g. “oh I should go hang out with friends”) since everyone is at work or sleeping. It also gives me much more time to approach in the day, which I think is the best strategy. Ideally, I’d do my first approach at 9. Let’s not get too ambitious and work our way there.

So, getting up early and having this warm up, I was feeling great… But, the cold streak from yesterday continued. In fact, it kept going, and going… Until… Lucky number 13. It took 12 rejections before a girl said she’d want to grab a drink and exchanged contact info. That’s what, a 19 rejection-straight cold streak. I am super proud of myself for not letting this get to me. 19 straight rejections (many of them pretty harsh like one girl rolling her eyes and sauntering away and many others just fleeing).

There are many things that could have caused that cold streak (maybe time of day? location? my mood?). I tend to think it’s really just random – my chances of success with any girl is random. Though, it was particularly weird because the successes were batched together.  Maybe I’m getting better? Maybe I was more warmed up (my successes did happen at the end of the day).

I managed 4 numbers today. All pretty solid – I’m pretty excited!

Keys: be more persistent! One of the best numbers came from a girl I normally would have let walk away, but I walked with her. Turns out we have a lot in common – and she’s successful / very cute! Slow down when speaking. Be calm. Let them know you’re not a crazy, homless guy begging. Do NOT let rejection get you down – it’s a random function!

Random idea to find more mid-twenties girls: look at rent map of manhattan, go to cheaper places!

Anyway, I gotta jet to a date!

Data:

  • 21 countable approaches (20 direct street!)
  • 4 to follow up on
  • went on 1 date

Summary:

  • Getting up early is GREAT!
  • Persistence! Give it a few tries before giving up on a girl!
  • Dry streaks appear to be a thing I’ll have to deal with
  • Funniest rejection: girl just rolled her eyes and walked away. Another: foreigners dad came out of building and I had to explain to him I was hitting on his daughter.
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25 Responses to Day 4 – Powering through that cold-streak

  1. cuil says:

    Nice of you to have shared the experience. 🙂

  2. James McNeill says:

    Interesting blog, reminds me of Neil Strauss. Good luck! It’ll be interesting to see where this gets you.

  3. Mason says:

    Very curious to see what happens. Only good can come out of this!

  4. Rachael says:

    I absolutely LOVE your blog and am telling all my friends about it! We all want pictures….but I understand if that would disrupt your game plan. We’ll all be back!

  5. Seung says:

    Good luck. I’m on a similar journey, and what is even harder than meeting a lot of women is finding one that you really really like. I went out with about 25 different women in 3 months mainly through dating websites (match, eharmony, and okcupid). At the end of it all was the lesson that as you get older and pickier, it gets harder and harder to meet someone that meets all the “laundry list” of things that you are looking for in a marriage material girlfriend. It may be easier for you since you are just looking for a girlfriend.

  6. Mario says:

    Just found this and it is inspiring. I’ll be following you now, good luck!

  7. Rod A says:

    For Motivation:
    *awesome site, with a guy doing something similar to you (he walks around N.Y. hitting on women).
    Travel Bum Show
    http://www.travelbumshow.com/travelbum/videos/99/ (not safe for work)

  8. AWH says:

    Good stuff, but please make sure you don’t get focused on this for the wrong reasons. It sounds to me like you’re documenting this for this blog (and us, which is cool) but make sure you do this for yourself. Saying stuff like ” I kind of got into a “zone” where I wasn’t caring what the girls thought or really about what I said” is okay because it shows that you’re getting comfortable, but makes it sound like you just don’t really give a shit. Listen to what these girls have to say, lead the conversation if you have to, but I think you’ll find better results by letting them talk instead of feeding your ego so you have results to report back on.

    Good luck, stay positive (there are no cold streaks or bad days as you seem to be learning from your mistakes), and keep up the good work!

    • Thanks for the positive words.

      You raise a great point. And I guess I am a little hesitant to report stats (both to myself and publicly). That being said, I definitely do things to experiment / the hell of it that negatively impact them (e.g. talking to girls on a phone or a super rush). But will keep in mind the end goal here!

      Note – with the “zone” stuff, I just meant there’s this social momentum that builds up that enables me to converse in a really engaging, easy, and friendly way. It’s not that I’m not listening to what she said or don’t care. It’s more that I’m just becoming super relaxed (which leads to some great results I think!).

  9. Evan says:

    I’m impressed by your courage man, keep up the good work. I have a feeling a lot of people are out there vicariously watching you to see what happens.

    Do it for them!

    But: just remember to recognize a good thing when it comes a long. I’m afraid that you’ll be addicted to the challenge/reward game you’ve set up and loose sight of the happy relationship end goal.

  10. randomaurora says:

    I had a friend tell me about your blog, interesting! Now I’m feeling kind of inspired. Don’t know how well it would go for a girl to do this…

  11. LW says:

    Alex told me you were doing this and it’s freaking awesome. I appreciate both your willingness to do something that nerve-wracking over and over again and then to document it. And all this during the winter, too! Baller dude.

  12. Jason says:

    Awesome blog!
    Could you please just tell me what do you say to girls when you meet them on street? I am really wondering.
    Thanks in advance.

  13. Twistian Nathaniel Hook says:

    This is fantastic. You are an inspiration to us all. I plan on dropping out of law school and doing this full time.

    • Thanks! Dropping out of law school is a big decision, especially to do something like this… Maybe wait to see what kind of results I get? Also, can’t you just do this when you’re on break / during the summer?

  14. BC says:

    This is cool. I really like this idea. Just be prepared for all hell to break loose when you tell them what you’ve been up to…and probably/possibly lose the girlfriend you set out to “attain”.

    • Yeah… I’ve thought about this. Kind of a circular problem… Have to put more thought into it, but I’m hoping she’ll be a reasonable enough person to see it’s not a bad thing… and that she’s the winner of some hundred amount of other candidates!

  15. Liz says:

    Fascinating journey you’re on here. I have a friend who looked for a woman to marry in a similarly resolute and structured manner, although he used primarily dating sites (if I recall correctly) and his search went on for several years. He did succeed, though, and is still happily married more than ten years later, with two beautiful kids.
    I wouldn’t worry about the potential girlfriend being put off by the fact that you’re on this search. The right person for you will appreciate you as you are, and your systematic approach to meeting someone is part of who you are. The right girl will be impressed and amused. She might even find you through this blog.
    In the meta department, I’d classify what you’re doing as “sales.” You are selling yourself, as a potential date, in your brief interactions. There is a certain amount of luck in who you find to talk to, but there’s also sales skill involved, what you’re calling being relaxed and confident. Your script is a key piece. The questions you ask help you figure out if the girl is, as we say in the sales world, “qualified,” that is, unattached and interested enough in you to see you again. You might consider looking into the vast literature out there on sales. I’m particularly fond of Brian Tracy.

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