Day 10 – Back on Track

 

I hadn’t gone out for 5 days. I feel bad for it. But hear me out. I needed to work (excuse), it was raining all week and that’s a waste of time (excuse), and if day 8 was any indication, I’ve been getting a bit burnt out and disillusioned (excuse). Now that we got my lame excuses out the way, on to the day!

I had an interesting realization today: February was probably not the best time to start this experiment.

It sucks for me because:

  • it gets darker out earlier and I’m like an anti-vampire, need that light!
  • it’s fucking cold, I’d rather go inside and play some Arkham, bra.

Also, in addition to rain, women hate the cold. Well, most people hate the cold. But, women tend to really hate it. They do tend to get cold easier (in my experience!). Not just that, but the winter is a hard time to meet girls on the street for a variety of reasons such as:

  • they’re bundled up which means it’s hard to identify if they’re my type
  • they tend not to put as much care into their looks (less makeup, harder to tan, some ex-girlfriends even periodically gained weight during the winter, etc). Note- this is just an observation, I am sure it is not true for all women!
  • they’re inside because it’s fucking cold
  • when they are outside, they’re in a rush and probably in a worse mood because the cold can be a pain in the ass
Girls like cold about as much as I like purse dogs.

Girls like cold about as much as I like purse dogs.

This came to my attention today when I realized I’ve been having a hard time finding girls that I really like. Surely in one of the densest and most populous cities in the world, with a skewed women-man ratio, and a super vain and looks focused culture, I had imagined regularly seeing a European-flash-mob-sized gaggle of gorgeous ladies on every sidewalk just awaiting a morsel of male attention, which is so scarce in this city! Really, I tend to only see this when I’m not dressed to chat up girls, not in the mood, with someone else, or in a rush. Thanks irony.

Readers and friends have asked why I am doing this now, why not just wait a few months for it to get warmer out? It’s a reasonable question, and I’m sure I’d have a lot more success in the spring.

I’m of the belief that the best time to do something you want is generally now. There is always a reason not to do something.

Oh I can’t lose weight now, it’s football season and I love drinking beer and eating wings during the game. I can’t quit my job to travel because I need more savings. I should wait to meet girls until I’m older (girls like older dudes), more successful (girls like successful dudes), and it’s warmer out.

Sure, these are all rational and logical. But, you have to ask yourself,  do you ever actually end up working toward your goal? Or is there some new excuse once the previous expires? I’ve found that I tend to make excuse after excuse because doing something like this is hard and I naturally want to go the path of least resistance / stay in my comfort zone. And, while the reasons I present are technically correct, they’re not the real reason I’m not doing it… I’m not doing it because it’s fucking hard and I’d rather eat Taco Bell and watch re-runs of The League.

General George S Patton, a WWII American War hero and one of my personal role models, said “A good plan, violently executed now, is better than a perfect plan next week”. Now, I’m not suggesting we do anything violent. But, Gen. Patton has some good advice here that I have to remind myself to follow: stop formulating the best time or plan to do something I want…. because, really, in 90+% they’re just excuses. Thanks General!

Achievement unlocked: working General Patton  into dating blog.

Achievement unlocked: working General Patton into dating blog.

So, what was I talking about? Oh right, I had a hard time finding girls today despite being out for 2+ hours. Still, had a great day. Some standard flees, but some really great interactions.

In one, I noticed some very small/subtle things going on (I’m a psych nerd). First, I kind of chilled out and brought myself down to her energy level. I focused on looking her straight in the eyes. She then did most of the talking. That was pretty cool – I’m used to doing most of the work, but despite my stopping her, and she being way better looking than I, she started carrying the convo. I was still directing the convo, transitioning topics, etc. Very subtle, but I think it’s powerful…

They always say people like talking about themselves, right? And I guess the fact that she’s doing most of the talking kind of makes it like she’s doing most of the work and is becoming more invested in me… I guess. Who knows! It definitely made it feel less like I was chasing her, which I like!

Secondly, I shifted my weight on my back foot ever so slightly, and she almost reflexively, moved forward a bit. This was super, super subtle and small – not a big movement. It kind of changed the feel from me stopping and talking to her, to us in a conversation, and firmly planted where we are. No rush!

Very interesting interaction!

Another one actually lead to a quick coffee. Really cool and pretty girl. Very surprising since I totally thought she would just blow me off on account of her being very well done up and quite attractive… (again, it looks like a) pretty girls totally love this stuff and b) I can’t predict a reaction any given girl will give me. Ones I’m not that into blow me off, ones whose beauty is super intimidating light up like a kwanza bush).

Few approaches today due to not finding too many ladies (and getting a late start), but overall one of my favorite days!

Stats

  • 7 approaches
  • 2 to follow up on (1 of which was a quick date!)

Summary

  • metapoint: General Patton says DO IT NOW.
  • Looks like I’m becoming more in-tuned to small nuances of behavior. Not sure if it’ll translate into better results, but it’s interesting to my nerdy self.
  • Quick coffee is awesome. I think that should really be the goal since girls tend to not be very responsive to phone calls / txts.
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7 Responses to Day 10 – Back on Track

  1. JJ says:

    Keep up the good work! The internet is counting on your results!

  2. Josh says:

    Hey Buddy,

    Awesome that you proactively decided to do this! A few pointers that should cut your learning curve:

    PART 1:

    1.) Smile on every approach. You should almost be on the verge of cracking up when you are starting the convo with the girl. If you can’t “fake it” think about something funny before right before you start the convo with the girl.

    2.) Speak from the diaphram. Expand your belly and speak. This is speaking from the diaphram.

    3.) Start the conversation close to her (less than arms distance). This seems counter-intuitive, however it works out. It plays to the point you made about how when you shifted your weight back, she moved forward a bit. The inverse is true. If you start greater than arms length and try to move in closer, she will move back.

    4.) 1,2, & 3 are the biggest factors in cutting down “flees” as you call them.

    5.) Try experimenting with different adjectives other than “attractive”. “Attractive” sounds scientific. “Cute” is also a bust (my guess is because it is common). “Gorgeous” and “Beautiful” are good. “Sexy”, oddly enough, works best (despite my initial hesitation that it would be to sexually agressive of an adjective).

    6.) After you deliver your opening sentence about her being attractive, goreous, whatever, tell her what it is about her look that made you approach her (ie. It is totally your long black hair and boots that lured me in).

    7.) Esp. at the beginning of the convo, opt for statements over questions when possible. Don’t do it to the point of being odd. It is more a rule of thumb than a hard rule. But to many questions off the bat when you just met her in an unusual way can get he in a defensive/reserved state. Consider the following example: Instead of “Are you from around here?” use “I bet your not from around here”. If you are right kudos, if you are wrong she will correct you. No harm, no foul.

    8.) Convo should include some harmless/superficial talk at the beginning. Than transition into more personal conversation (ie what she likes to do for fun, her ambitions, ect.)

    9.) Your hunch that you should show her why you are interested in her beyond her looks is correct. However, you should do that during the convo. Not at the end of the convo. (Ie if she says she wants to be a doctor, you could be like ‘I feel like it takes a lot of dedication and drive to help people to be a doctor’). That way at the end of the convo she knows you like her for more than her being hot.

    10.) Joking around with her spices up the conversation. IE: instead of asking what she likes to do for fun, ask ‘other than luring guys with blue shirts into flirting with you (you are wearing a blue shirt in this imaginary case), what do you like to do for fun?

  3. Josh says:

    Part 2:

    11.) Make a physical connection throughout the conversation. Lightly touch her arm, give her high fives, twirl her, ect. End the conversation with a hug.

    12.) Joking around in texts should improve your call backs. IE: instead of ‘what are you up to?’ text ‘What mischief are you getting yourself into today?’

    13.) Absolutely approach in doors. Esp. on a rainy day. Girls flock to malls on rainy days.

    14.) Instant dates sound like a good idea, but most times when you approach a girl she is in the middle of doing something/on her way to something. Esp. during the week. Numbers do work if you use them correctly.

    15.) If you go more than 1 day without approaching, expect your ‘activation energy’ as you call it to go up and your success rate to go down for the first 1/3 and 1/2 half a day when you start again.

    16.) Depending on how much of this you already know, don’t try to incorporate these tips all at once. This definetly is a skill. Implement this piece by piece.

    Hope this helps. Best of luck on your search!
    Josh

  4. John says:

    Very nice, if you had given up before you never would have had a day like this. Keep up the good work and I look forward to seeing your next entry. Maybe you’ll find the perfect girlfriend tomorrow!

  5. Abs says:

    New reader. REad all the old posts looking forward to the new ones! Keep it up

  6. Evan Fazio says:

    Hey man,

    Really missing the updates. Hope all is well.

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